Monday, July 30, 2012

My Jesus just got bigger

My life, my thinking, who I thought I was…it’s all been turned upside down.
My Jesus, my God, He just got so much bigger.
This entry may or may not make any sense by the time I’m done with it. My mind is racing like it’s never raced before. I’ve started writing this and re-writing this post multiple times. I simply don’t know where to start, but here goes…
You know those light-bulb moments, those “Ah ha” moments, those moments when you realize you just get it? It’s kind of been like one of those moments for me lately, but on a whole new level.
This change has been “brewing” in me for some time really, but it wasn’t until I read the book Kisses from Katie that everything, I mean everything, changed for me. Jesus was made real to me through Katie Davis’ words. And I say this as a girl who’s been a Christian for 20 years.
Twenty years and I’m just now “getting it”? I think so.
The Lord used Katie’s words to change my heart. A heart that I didn’t know needed to be changed. A heart that I thought was mostly okay. A heart that was mostly content with this life I’ve been living.  A heart that I now realize was lukewarm.  A heart that wasn’t in love with Jesus.  A heart that’s been given new life and, that life, in such glorious abundance.
Kisses from Katie is the story of a young American girl, Katie Davis, who leaves her comfortable life in Tennessee because God calls her to Uganda. Once there, she adopts 14 children. She says “Yes” to God’s call on her life. Over and over again. Her words…
I realize that since I have chosen an unusual path it is easier for outsiders to look at my life and come to the conclusion that it is something extraordinary. That I am courageous. That I am strong. That I am special. But I am just a plain girl from Tennessee. Broken in many ways, sinful, and inadequate. Common and simple with nothing special about me. Nothing special except I choose to say “Yes.”
I don’t expect that this book would be so life-changing for everyone who reads it. I really believe it could be, but I have this feeling that God caused me to read it at just the right time in my life. At a time when my heart was open which allowed Him to open my eyes further to Jesus. I wish I could say that the time I’ve spent reading my Bible over the years has overwhelmed me with joy like Kisses from Katie has. Here and there that has happened, but now as I read God’s Word with this new lens, this new filter, His words mean everything to me. I see Him. I see His heart and I want that heart. I want Jesus. I want to know Jesus, I want the world to know Jesus and I want Him to know me.
“But now that you have come to know God, or rather to be known by God, how is it that you turn back again to the weak and worthless elemental things, to which you desire to be enslaved all over again?” Galatians 4:9
God wants to know me? Me? This broken, ugly mess of a person. Yes!
“As God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” Colossians 3:12
I am holy and dearly loved. Me? Yes!
If I know these things to be true, how can I not take these truths out into the world? How can that not transform the way I live, the way I view those created in His image?
I used to think my life needed to be closer to perfect before God could use me.
I used to think I could live in the comfort of my little home, with my little family in Gilbert, AZ and have contentment.
I used to think adoption was for those who couldn’t have children of their own.
Now I know that in me, little old me, is the light of the world. (Matthew 5:14)
Now I know that He wants, even expects, everything of me. (Luke 14)
Now I know that life as a Christian is all about adoption. I am His because of adoption. In Katie’s words, “Adoption is a beautiful picture of redemption. It is the Gospel in my living room.” (Ephesians 1:5)
I don’t know where all this leaves me, but God knows. And I know He is moving.
What I do know is that Jesus is enough.  He will always be enough. I know this with my entire being.
You know Philippians 4:13? “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” I always believed this to be true on some level, but now I know it to be true.
I want to do something for Jesus. He called me, He justified me and He is sanctifying me.  Jesus died for me.  I want to live for Him. I want the world to know Him.
Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. James 1:22
Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to act. Prov 3:27
For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline. 2 Tim 1:7
Jesus is my Abba Father.
For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, “Abba! Father!” Romans 8:15
Jesus loves me this I know.  For real.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for sharing this and for turning me on to Kisses from Katie. I have only read a fraction of the book, but even within the first few pages I could tell it was going to be powerful stuff. It is very inspiring and makes me feel compelled to do something greater for God. What that means for each of is as unique as we are, but it's about saying "YES!" to Him. It is very exciting to see how this book has inspired you and how God is using it to take your faith to a level I think you've been longing for! It is especially encouraging to to witness this right now, at this exact time in my journey. Impeccable timing. He IS moving and it's awesome. :)


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